Nationalism is Narcissism

Social change is hard when narcissism and nationalism are on the rise.

Apparently narcissism is on the rise.  We have research showing that a “narcissism epidemic” is underway.  Use of the pronouns “I” and “me”.  The belief in our own importance.  Self-centered language.  A dramatic increase in the belief, “I am the greatest”.  The increase in narcissism, and corresponding decrease in empathy, among young people is attributed to ‘everyone gets a trophy’ parenting, insane pressure to succeed, the decline in play.  I’d add social media and cell phones to the reasons - the endless selfies and documenting every fleeting thought for approval and consumption.  

I would not limit the increase in narcissists to the young though.  In every age group I’ve seen a steady rise in ‘me, me, me’ over the decades.  Only do what feels good for you, never mind what might benefit the very young, the very old, or any situation that is not all about making sure you have the best time, every time, that your personal needs are paramount.  I noticed the need by adults to be constantly entertained when I first started watching movies with my kids.  Pixar, Disney, pretty much everything coming out for kids is dancing backwards in high heels to please the parents.  Clearly, to be forced to just be with your child watching quality age-appropriate programming is unacceptable.  ‘Subjected’ to the the classic, brilliant, and child-developmentally appropriate and child-focused shows like Sesame Street, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, Balamory, and Postman Pat.  

At the same time, nationalism is on the rise in too many countries.  The pounding of chests, waving of flags, and demands for ‘freedom’.  Freedom to oust ‘others’.  Freedom to own military-grade weapons, in quantity.  Freedom from having to deal with anyone whose beliefs are not identical, and I mean identical, no variation allowed.  Freedom to spread disease.  My flag.  My culture.  My traditions.  My language.  My skin color.  

Seems to me that narcissism and nationalism are the same thing. 

Both put the individual above the group.  A person who is a narcissist has little or no empathy for others, it’s all about them, all the time.  A nationalist has little or no interest in other countries or cultures, their country/culture is the best.  The inconceivability that maybe someone in another country feels that same fierce pride and love for their country - how can that be?  Does it mean they think their country is superior to my country?  

Social change with narcissists or nationalism is challenging, to say the least.  We’ve seen it during the pandemic, when the time-honored messages of ‘wear a mask to protect your loved ones’ have been less effective than ‘wear a mask to protect yourself’.  Social change, by the very name is ‘social’, impacting a wide range of people.  Social change is putting the collective good above the individual.  Social change usually requires some personal change, accommodation, shifting, even sacrifice, with the understanding that a rising tide lifts all boats and ultimately all of us benefit.  Social change is at least trying to understand that other parents love their children and want education, health care, and opportunity with the same fierce intensity of love and want that we have for our own children.  Social change is learning what has worked in other countries, in other cultures.  Social change is working across borders to address problems which do not heed borders - like climate change, drowning, and disease.  

To live with a narcissist is a form of hell.  A hell where you begin to doubt your own sanity and worth.  A hell where all decisions must be filtered through a complex and ever-changing costs-benefit analysis - how to fill the bottomless maw of the narcissist’s need while caring for one’s self, family, finances, or community.  The idea that we are becoming a world filled with narcissists is depressing in the extreme.  

I see blind nationalism as the same sort of hell.  Ignoring actual world rankings of health care, child poverty, education, and gun violence because we must support the illusion of “We’re #1!” at all costs, a mentality which is occurring in too many countries right now.  Not coincidentally, often countries run by narcissists.  

I do not believe you can change a narcissist, and a narcissist is highly unlikely to want to change themselves.  The only way to manage a narcissist is to deprive them of their lifeblood of constant attention.  I have some hope you can change nationalism, as history has shown there is an ebb and flow.  I know we can’t create social change until we understand how prevalent both narcissism and nationalism have become, and understand that both are formidable competition and barriers to change.

I leave you with the, perhaps unsettling, thought, how much have you been influenced by the “narcissism epidemic”?  We are all social creatures, influenced by the thoughts and actions of others.  For myself, I have noticed a decrease in patience over the years.  A drift towards intolerance, especially towards views which are very different from my own.  The seductive slide towards reading or listening to one side, my side, aided and abetted by tech algorithms.  Even the dreaded “well, if everyone else is doing it, I should be putting me, me, me first too”.  

You can’t combat what you haven’t identified.  

Whatever you are trying to change, look at how much narcissism or nationalism have infiltrated the population.  Stop thinking that people will act ‘because it’s the right thing to do’, unless you have proof they believe it.  Understand that to create change you may have to cut the lifeblood of attention from narcissists, ignore them and not try to change them.  Nationalistic countries may have to reach a rock bottom before the people rise up and start putting the collective ahead of the individual.  Putting the world ahead of a single country.  

Taking power from narcissists and nationalists is not for the faint of heart, but it is the only way positive social change which benefits the many can occur.