How To Clear a Home After Death
Tips for speeding the process of clearing a home while respecting emotions.
Emptying the home of a loved one after they die is hard. I’ve developed a strategy that speeds the process while respecting the emotions. The technique works whether it’s one room or a large house, cluttered or organized.
The emotions surrounding death are complex - grief, relief, anger, deep sense of loss, regrets, gratitude. To lose a loved one is the sudden clarity that death is permanent, nothing else can be said or done to spend more time, have one more hug, one more ‘I love you’, but also no chance to heal old wounds or to hear ‘I’m sorry I hurt you’.
Death can not be changed, but it changes everything.
When we are raw with emotions, we have trouble making logical decisions. We focus first on the emotional - the tea cup Grandma always used, the last Scrabble scorecard, the artwork celebrating a 50th anniversary. Or we focus on the big or expensive items, like the furniture, jewelry, or artwork. In reality, the majority of our day-to-day existence is very mundane. We bathe, we eat, we pay bills, we sleep. The key to cleaning out a home is to start with the mundane and work up to the emotional, to literally clear the space for the emotional decisions.
3 Rules:
15 minutes - in the immortal words of Mrs. McNally, you can accomplish anything in 15 minute increments. One drawer, one file. If that’s all you can do at one time, it’s emotionally overwhelming, or if you don’t have much time, aim for 15 minutes, it will make a difference.
Take a full carload every time you leave to donate, recycle, or transfer to a new recipient.
Do not rent a storage space unless you will be actively selling furniture. Commit to 6 months of paying storage fees and if the furniture doesn’t sell, donate the furniture and empty the storage space. You will never be ready to go through ‘stuff’ in a storage space, you’re just leaving it for the next generation, who will curse you.
A word on Estate and Moving Sales: If you want to have an estate sale, complete Step 1-4 and Step 7. Add an ‘estate sale’ category for all the other steps but clear out everything not specifically labeled for the sale. Be ruthless, don’t have your estate sale be a junk sale, you want people to see that what is offered is of value and pay accordingly. If you want to go the estate sale route, consider have a moving sale first for the small items. I once hosted a huge moving sale for 5 hours only on a Saturday, everything on tables labeled $5, $10, and a huge section labeled ‘free’. Cash only. I was left with only 3 small boxes of stuff to take to Goodwill. Saved me hours of hauling time. Whatever doesn’t sell still has to be donated, listed for free on Craig’s list, or trashed, the goal is nothing left for you to dispose of.
Step 1: As soon after the death as possible, bring in as many file boxes as needed and haul away all legal and financial documents. Give them to the Executor of the estate. This should include: wills, pension statements, Medicare and health care statements, bank statements, credit card statements, insurance documents, loan documentation, deeds to property and vehicles, tax returns, birth certificates, marriage and divorce certificates, passports, driver’s licenses, address books, and any information you can find about subscriptions or other regular payments (magazines, streaming, computers, phones).
Step 2: Remove all portable valuables, such as jewelry, art, collectibles, computers, phones. If there are multiple beneficiaries or bequests, create an itemized list. Give them to the Executor of the estate. If there is furniture or large items that are valuable or a bequest, tag with a post-it note.
You have cleared the field to ensure that nothing valuable or critical to closing the estate has been removed. Now start with the most mundane and work up to more emotional decisions. Start by researching nonprofits in your area and what they will accept as donations.
Step 3: Remove all food from refrigerator, freezer, cupboards, pantries. If it’s open, throw it away. If it’s sealed, place in bags or boxes to deliver to a food pantry. Do the same with all cleaning supplies, but hold on to the open cleaning supplies if you need to clean when the home is vacated, and keep trash bags for clearing out. Load the car with donations and take it away.
Step 4: Tackle the bathrooms. If it’s open, throw it away. If it’s sealed, deliver to a food pantry or other non-profit that accepts toiletries. Medications should all be placed in a separate bag, not thrown in the garbage. Many police departments have a medication collection point for incineration. Start a bag for metal recycling (tweezers, scissors). Start a bag for electrical recycling (hair dryers, heating pads, electric toothbrushes). Go drawer by drawer, cupboard by cupboard, closet by closet - empty each one completely before you move on. Load the car and take it away.
Step 5: Strip the bed and wash all dirty clothes, bed linens, towels, dish clothes, aprons, table linens. Shelters and nonprofits that help people settle after difficult times usually accept linens. Animal shelters often accept towels and blankets, even if they are a bit worn. Load the car and take it away.
Now you’ve cleared space to tackle what is associated with our memories of our loved ones.
Step 6: Clothes can be emotional. But not all clothes. Underwear and socks have to be thrown out, no one will accept a donation. Get rid of them first. Tackle shoes next - tie laces together or rubber-band together and put in a bag to donate. Soles for Souls likely has a drop-off point near you. Divide clothes and coats into categories: professional, good quality/good condition, wearable, and barely hanging by a thread. Dry clean or wash if necessary. Search for a nonprofit near you that accepts professional clothing, including accessories, to help people re-entering the workforce or who need some extra help. Most communities have nonprofits that accept clothing in good condition, and Goodwill is accessible in many locations. For clothing past wearable, textile recycling, if you can find it, or trash. Load the car and take it away.
A word on designer clothing. Yes, you can sell on consignment, but it’s always pennies on the dollar, at best. If it’s a significant collection, try to find a dealer to take everything. Otherwise, it’s probably not worth your time to sell individually, better to donate and get an itemized receipt for a charitable deduction.
Step 7: On-site paperwork. Start going through paperwork that isn’t essential to the estate. Handle each piece of paper once - trash, shred, move off-site (only if it will be saved for really good reasons, like family history). Paperwork can be mind-numbing and is best tackled in 15 minute increments when Steps 8 and 9 become overwhelming. If there is unused office supplies (pads of paper, file folders, pens, pencils, scissors, tape), schools will often accept them, even if they are unwrapped and partially used.
A word on journals and personal reflections. Think long and hard before you read someone’s personal journals. Chances are you’ll find it painful at times. Historical correspondence can be fascinating, but if it was sent or received, it’s already been edited. Journals are how we process our inner complex emotions so that we can do a better job face-to-face. Do you want someone to know all of your inner thoughts? I journal and immediately recycle or shred when I’ve filled a book.
Step 8: The Kitchen, Pantry, Broom Closet, Laundry Room. Bring in several medium boxes and start emptying every drawer, every cupboard. Leave nothing before you move on. Shelters, some nonprofits, and Goodwill will take kitchen equipment, vacuums, irons, and small appliances in good condition. Electronics recycling for all broken or very old electronics. Load the car and take it away.
Step 9: Basements and Garages. Same process as above - donate, trash, recycle (especially metal recycling). Small appliances, tools, lawn furniture, pots, garden tools - all sell quickly if you go for a central sale or will be snapped up in minutes if listed for free (and hauled away!)
Step 10: Decor - clocks, books, artwork, collectibles, mirrors, rugs. Most of this will be donate or sell. Once again, load the car and take it away.
Step 11: Furniture. If you aren’t having an estate sale, hire movers, but consider this the final step to an empty home. There can be multiple stops to donate and to individual’s homes. Nothing stays.
Congratulations, you did it! It was hard work, physically demanding, and emotionally taxing, but you did it. Now take a hard look at your own life, within 30 days, when the memories are still fresh. The best gift you can give your loved ones is to leave them with a sense of peace and love, not anger and exhaustion at having to sort through your stuff. You should have a Medical Power of Attorney, Financial Power of Attorney, and a Will in place. Use the 15 minute rule to tackle the boxes of stuff in your basement or garage over the next year or two. Do an annual purge of your clothes. Consolidate photo albums, label people in family photos. Donate, sell, or put unwanted stuff on Craig’s List for free.
Having done this several times, it’s made me far more conscious of not buying too much, and committed to continually downsizing and purging. At this point, my hope is to realize the end is near, take a bamboo toothbrush and paddle a fast-melting iceberg towards the equator to spare my loved ones. Probably unrealistic, but at least I can take actions every year to make the clear out days instead of months or years. My final ‘I love you and I value you and your time’ to those I love most.