Best Friend and a Full-length Mirror
How to make decisions that work in the real world.
Fashion is my creative outlet. Back in the day, I made all my suits, jackets, and dresses for work. I even supported my fabric habit by working at Fishman’s Fabrics on Sundays, while toiling in consulting during the week. I would look at a designer pattern and know instantly what color, fabric, and accessories would interpret the design to be perfectly ‘me’. Or look at an extraordinary piece of fabric and know how it should be made up. I spent long, blissful hours creating. Measuring twice and cutting once. Ripping out seams until they lay just right. Learning techniques like stitching a chain into a jacket hem and how to make welt buttonholes. From concept to execution to wearing the final product, each step required skill, creativity, practice, and the courage to step outside the box. I stayed (just) within the guardrails of ‘appropriate professional clothing for consultants’, but my look was distinctive, chic, and bold.
To create garments which were flattering, I trusted my gut and the skills I’d developed over the years, but I also used the ‘best friend and a full-length mirror’ technique, especially if I was going in a new direction or I knew I was pushing the boundaries.
Having a best friend and a full-length mirror keeps you from making stupid mistakes. And not just fashion mistakes. Whenever you want to change the status quo, find a new way of solving old problems, rework a system, or challenge a process, you need the equivalent of a best friend and a full-length mirror.
The ‘best friend’ part means having a person, or group of people, who you can count on to give you honest feedback. Really honest feedback. I’m not talking about narcissists who always criticize or gaslight. I’m not talking about someone with a passive-aggressive streak who secretly wants you to fail. I’m definitely not talking about anyone who agrees with everything you say, even if they don’t mean it. I’m talking about the ‘my life is in crisis, who do I call at 3am who won’t judge me’ person who has your back and wants you to succeed. Someone who is your best cheerleader, and also the person who will say “do not wear that”. Even better if they give constructive criticism, as in, ‘like the look, but you need different shoes’. Triple bonus points if the honest response, the tough love delivered without malice, is ‘you look like mutton dressed as lamb, time to donate to someone younger’.
In any professional capacity, having a ‘best friend’ to bounce ideas off means that you are open to both constructive criticism, and the flat out ‘no, lousy idea’. It means that you force yourself out of your echo chamber of ‘this is the best idea EVER!’ And sometimes it means dropping an idea and moving on. If you feel strongly about something and one person is killing your joy, it’s fine to get another opinion, or two, or even three, but if you are hearing unanimous negative responses, probably time to listen.
The only caveat - if your idea is changing the status quo, don’t ask everyone who is protected by the status quo. Ask a range of people, some who represent the status quo so you’ll know what, if any, resistance to expect and anticipate, but also some who would benefit from the disruption, because sometimes change is good, and sometimes it does unintentional harm.
Full-length mirror means that you are willing to be honest with yourself. Don’t just look at the flattering bits, but see the whole picture of who you are, or the bigger concept of the change you want to see. Put the whole look together, not just the individual pieces. From shoes to accessories, get an idea of the big picture. The idea you have in your mind can differ from reality. Are you changing one thing without thinking through the broader impact? Are you changing just for the sake of change? Will there be collateral damage to the change? What are the unintentional outcomes? Does a program or campaign no longer fit now that the big picture is shifting?
If you’ve passed the best friend and a full-length mirror test, take your new look for a practice run before you scale it for global domination. Like the amazing look I put together for a conference, but didn’t factor in the 2 mile walk to-from the venue. I looked as put together and polished as my presentation, only I was crippled for a week because I hadn’t brought flats for walking. I’d done the best friend and a full-length mirror review, I just hadn’t thought about how it would translate in the real world.